Karezza

Long time no see!

A lot of stuff has been going on lately. I got my dream job, working for a Danish animal rights organization and I am now, finally, united with my soulmate, Pau. Something I waited 6 months for!

So it seems things are getting better and better. LoA (Law of Attraction) is working quite well and the practices I do to reach a higher state, a better life, are also working. So now I will reveal a new one, one that seems to be so crucial.

Back in April I read the book "Cupid's Poisoned Arrow", which I got recommended from my dear friend, Jack. It was, in fact, this book that would later unite me with my soulmate. I find this book to be as important for relationships and general wellbeing as 80/10/10 is to diet and health.

I am going to summarize the main points of the book and I would definitely recommend that everyone read it! You can find the website here: www.reuniting.info.

In the book, it is stated that orgasm is harmful to us and our relationships. This is supported scientifically as well as by ancient texts.

Enjoy now, pay later
An orgasm is an explosion of mainly dopamine in our brain. In fact so much dopamine is released at once that our synapses burn down and leave us basically numb for a cycle of two weeks. Our synapses do not sense small to normal amounts of dopamine anymore and therefore this cycle pushes us further into addictions such as junkfood, alcohol, shopping, gambling, porn and masturbation. In the 14 days cycle we become more lustful in order to pursue another dopamine rush.

Spreading the genes
What happens when we pursue our lust and passion with a partner, is really that we are controlled by the amygdala in the brain. This is the primitive part of the brain, going for pleasure, avoiding pain. Our genes are supposed to be spread, as much as possible, therefore sex with as many partners as possible is the best thing, from the amygdala's point of view. When we have sex with our partner, we turn on that part of the brain. So actually when the orgasm has been achieved, we are gradually made to feel tired of our partner and tempted to start looking for someone else.

The way it works is that after the initial honeymoon period (when we are very much in love), we gradually become satiated or tired of our partner. This leads us to want to look for someone new after up to about 3 years with the same person. This is to ensure the survival of a potential child. After that period of time, it is time to spread our genes in a new place. Therefore a lot of relationships start to have trouble after about 2 to 3 years. People then focus a lot in the "flaws" and begin to get tired of the other person, but actually that is just what the genes let us see.

This is very thoroughly explained in the book, from a hormonal and neurochemical point of view.

Karezza and bonding behaviours
What the book recommends then is a form of lovemaking called Karezza combined with bonding behaviors. It stems from the Italian word carezza, to caress. Karezza is all based on giving to the other partner, the opposite of lust, where it is about taking something, wanting to have that pleasure. Karezza is being connected, meaning intercourse, but with very little to no movement. The focus is on slow and deep breathing, relaxation, giving and sending healing energy to the other partner.

Bonding behaviors are likewise behaviors where you give to your partner, touching the partner in a gentle, caring and loving manner. Touch is caring, rather than regular hungry touch. It can be in many forms: hugging, kissing, caressing, gazing into each other's eyes. This releases the hormone called oxytocin, which is actually a hormone that keeps us in love with our partner and strengthens the relationship.

Karezza is described in many ancient texts, which is explained in the book. It would also seem that Tantra was originally orgasm free, but the original, esoteric teachings were distorted over time.

The book is filled with testimonials of people going orgasm free and doing karezza. Though, at first, it might seem like a sacrifice to most people, people describe the act of karezza as the most blissful and spiritual experience one can have. Once they get out of the passion cycle (14 days after orgasm), they suddenly begin to see their partner in a whole new light and the world seems like a better place.

This is extremely briefly explained.

My own experience
Something about the book just felt so right to me, and I knew instantly that it would be something I wanted to try. You don't have to feel like that, though, but I would still recommend you giving it a try!

I have now practiced karezza and bonding behaviors for several weeks and the difference is big. How did I notice the difference?

In the book it is actually recommended that, after being free of orgasm for a few weeks, we at some point go for the pleasure and put ourselves in the passion cycle. Doing that we will notice the great difference. So I did that, and wow. It is exactly like going raw. You might feel like you are doing good and fine eating cooked, but once you go raw you start to know how bad you actually felt before!

Being in the passion cycle I was constantly lustful and unable to enjoy karezza. I was a lot more worried, depressed and insecure during the 14 days, and at times my partner looked like an octopus (very unappealing). By the end of the 14 days, it was the worst. The last 3-4 days of the cycle I was in such a deep depression I could not get out of bed. I hated the world, I hated everything. I would have strong food cravings too. And it so dawned on me: 30 seconds of pleasure will NEVER be worth those 14 days of suffering. Some days in the cycle are better of course, but it does leave you like an emotional wreck. Most people try to fix that, of course, by having another "relieving" orgasm, but this just keeps them perpetually in the cycle - never feeling their best.

Now, being out of it, the world is suddenly beautiful again. My partner is a god again and I feel much more calm and stable. Food cravings are a lot better too.

You can approach Karezza a lot like you approach 811. You might feel like you have to give up something pleasurable - like that chocolate cake or pasta. But it is like eat now, pay later, have an orgasm now, pay later. And the benefits you can reap from karezza are far beyond amazing. It might take some months to get fully out of the addiction, but with the addiction we would never really be fully ourselves either. And orgasm IS an ADDICTION. It is CONTROLLING YOU. The way to reach the best life you can ever reach, is to get rid of all addictions whatsoever and control your own life.

Read the book, be open, give it a try. I am all in for a better world and I do believe this is an important part of it, just as with diet. And unfortunately I have seen a lot of people on 30BaD dismissing this and that shows that even raw people can be close minded. Openmindedness is not just about diet.

This might heal your life and relationship in ways you could never imagine.